The Boy Who Stutters

Your toxic masculinity is sickening! Imagine someone has said those strong words to you. Oh I know it hurts your ego. It stings your masculinity big time, doesn't it? The idea of masculinity has taken men into places - places that they conquered, fought for, and stood upon up to this day forward. However, can you still call yourself a man after people have labeled your masculinity as toxic? Would you believe it? Should you? Can you disprove it and prove otherwise? As men, we naturally set standards for our masculinity, and these standards are shaped by the people we grew up with, by the society we lived in, and by the influence that the environment has affected us.  I haven't studied psychology to be deemed credible in stating such things. But I know these things because I'm a man - I can tell.  I suddenly found myself asking, "Am I man enough?" because my alter ego tells me that I have a different definition of masculinity than what is commonly thoug...

Citizen Jake is a drama film that reflects the socio-political status of our country, directed and produced by Mike De Leon, a Filipino filmmaker who has created movies in the late 20th century which primarily reflect social realities in the Philippines. Citizen Jake is his latest creation after 19 years and the first movie of him that I watched. He is also one of the writers along with Noel Pascual and Atom Araullo (the lead actor of the movie). I got to watch the screening of Citizen Jake in UPLB at the D.L. Umali Hall last April 26, 2018 - sponsored by UP Cell Biological Society. The film highlights the current state of the Philippine political system, and how a single voice put into limelight the injustices within an existing political dynasty. Citizen Jake aims to interrogate and not turn a blind eye on the current tyranny within our society. A timely and relevant topic for everyone. The movie started mildly by introducing the lead character, Jake (played by a ...

I am attracted to laughter.  If someone smiles often, thinks positively, and can enjoy the small things in life; I am naturally enticed by who they are. I admire someone who can put their cynical and pessimistic thoughts aside and bear through with a sense of humor. To me, that is everything. I think I'd fall in love with a compassionate person who can laugh through their own tears. You asked me to speak my mind. So here, my mind. Do not penalize me for not being one of those flowery people who shoot their feelings in a spray like a fire hydrant on a summer day. (Aloha, 2015 Film) When we are speaking about love, it is never too late. (Letters to Juliet, 2010 Film) Love is indeed complicated, everything will happen in the least you expect it.  No, she’s not perfect. She’s human and she’s flawed. But she is perfect to me and she is perfect for me. And that’s all that matters.  We’re both strangers to love. You know the rules so do I. A full commitmen...

I choose to love you in silence, for in silence I find no rejection. I choose to love you in loneliness, for in loneliness no one owns you but me. I choose to adore you from distance, for distance will shield me from pain. I choose to kiss you in the wind, for the wind is gentler than my lips. I choose to hold you in my dreams, for in my dreams you have no end. Today, we met. You told me you didn't want to see me, and yet you changed your mind. I'm thankful, did you know that? You were expecting, as always, something from me. You thought I would break your heart. You thought I was only going to make you cry - well yes, you cried. I'd be surprised if you didn't. You were asking me to tell you what I have to tell you, but honestly, I got nothing in mind. I haven't planned any script to tell you. But I thought of rehearsing lines I'd say when I finally see you after not seeing each other at some time. I ended up seeing you with no practiced starters or end...

For this year's summer getaway, I and my friends went to Manuel Uy Beach Resort, located in Calatagan, Batangas last April 14-15, 2018. We had this high school boy group named We Are One (Yes, for real! 😁) in 2015 - photo below: (Top left to right: Joshua Paul "Jopoy" Pajarillo, Steven "Popo" Religioso, Ace Balbarez (Me), Renz Araos, Ryan Reyes Below left to right: Jerome Pamulaklakin, John Love Luper, JD Trinidad) We have parted ways in Senior High School; some stayed in the same school.  John Love expressed his desire to have a getaway reunion as early as March this year. However, due to the unavailability of some, there was never a plan until we graduated and had the time for vacation. He was the one who wished go to a beach and they let me plan on it.  Upon searching and inquiring, then consulting probable locations to the group, I ended up picking Manuel Uy Beach Resort located in Calatagan, Batangas, where beach resorts are adj...

So for my valediction, I only prepared a page. One page. Since the last time I spoke here, it was 8 pages long. I would not do that again this time. So yes, just one page for tonight. But before I start my speech, let me thank the people who have been a part of this journey: Thank you, my friends, my classmates, my teachers, and my family. Thank you for you have made me a better person. I hope I made you proud. Thank you, Tr. Glo for providing this school. We owe you so much. I learned so well from you. Thank you for all the opportunities you have given me.  To my mentors, thank you very much! To Tr. Rachel , you're such a life changer and an eye-opener for me. I’m grateful for I have met you. And I'm going to say this with conviction, the school needs more teacher like you. To Sir Myrold , I missed you. You are proof that in every successful student, there’s a great teacher behind. To Sir SJ and Tr. Rizza , thank you for being there when I need you! I...

This is hard for me to start. Maybe because I don’t have the guts to say these things to you. I don’t have the strength and courage to say this personally. Do you have any idea what this letter is about? I doubt you do. I just want to clear things and to make everything as clear as possible. I hope that writing this could help us both, for the greater good of course.           We both know that something happened between our friendship though we can’t point out what exactly it was. Maybe we already know what’s the problem and it’s just that I (we) can’t accept the truth because it hurts. Here I am, being as straightforward as I could. I don’t want to be with you anymore. Not because I dislike you or you’ve done something terrible. It’s just that I don’t want your company anymore. I just don’t feel the same way as I felt before when we’re together. Everything has changed and we both know it. With change, no one can resist it but our cho...

“Good day everyone! Now, I am standing right here in front of you to deliver a speech to my fellow stutterers. I once imagined myself delivering a speech to my fellow stutterers and right now, I am definitely sure that this is a real one and not an imagination. I don’t know where to begin with but there’s one thing I’m sure about; to share my experiences in having this kind of condition to the people I always care for and to the people who need an inspiration, as well. When I was a child, I have no idea that I have this condition, stuttering. I am not aware that I speak that way until the people around me started to tease me, to make fun and laugh at me. As a child, I had many burdens to the people around me but of course, it was a childish act. I encountered several people and most of them teased me after hearing how I speak. I had a hard time coping with situation like that but as I grew up, I learned how to handle situations like that, and I realized that I’m different. I just ...