The Boy Who Stutters

Friday, Feb. 15, 2019 ∙ 18:38 Hey –  Got it.  Probably I’m gonna have dinner here first. Then good to go. Just so you know, I’m part Chinese, I tend to have Asian flush syndrome or the face redness when drunk. Just don’t freak out when that happens. People usually get concerned. But not gonna drink much since it’s been long since my last. Thanks. Hey. I’m still dressing. What time? What time? ?? I’m sorry bro..I was waiting too. I’ll be on my way now. Almost there. Traffic jam at rodics. I’m here. Alright. I’m wrapping up naman na. Are you good with TK? Haha don’t worry, that is noted. You don’t have to rush. I’m still waiting for the jeep.  I’m on the jeep. Will wait for you sa Ministop. Mga 8pm or before 8pm nandoon na ako. Malapit na ko. Sa ministop See you bro Rodic’s Bahay ng Alumni? Saturday, Feb. 16, 2019 ∙ 00:39 Nakauwi ka na?  Yup Saturday, Feb. 16, 2019 ∙ 03:14  Hey, sorry I missed your call. I jgh. Anyway, I went out yester-night with an 18-yr old ...

Parang natatakot akong maging gising pa rin sa ganitong oras. Delikadong mag-isip. Delikadong mag-isa. Pinilit ko ang sarili ko na matulog bago mag alas-dose para maligtas ng ilang Linggo pero may gabi, tulad nito, na pumapalpak ako. Hindi inasahan. Bakit ko aasahan diba? Takot nga ako diba. Hindi ba? Nagpaalala na naman ang utak ko. Ng kamalian. Ng pagsisi. Ng kakulangan. Ng kawalang halaga. Sana iba ang pinaalala, kung mahihiling ko lang.  Sana.  Ang bigat kaso hindi ko mahanap kung ano. Kung alin. Kung saan. Kung sino. O bakit, o kaya paano? Matutulog ako.  Magigising at buburahin ang bawat kataga na nadama sa panahon nang naisulat ko 'to. Kalimutan nalang natin. Ulit. 16 June 2020

Writers write to forget. They want the truth but lie. Imagine the rule of box…they have to follow, disobey, or comply and break. Memories betray the mind. They hurt and remind the pain. Fabricate a picture…so the feelings stay away. Words save the forgetful. They comfort uncertainty with make-believe. Sadly, it works. It saves and comforts. * Writers write to forget. An irony – because, how could they? How could they write or forget?  How could writers write to forget when writing saves memory? How could writers write to forget when writing immortalizes what they wish to forget? Writers are fools. They are fools to believe that it works that way. Or maybe writers write to really forget.  They do so they can finally leave it behind.  That’s a way of putting it.  A cheat. But writers wish it works that way. But there are writers who really write to forget. They try. And fail.  But they will try again. And fail again. Because writers don’t just write to f...

“Is this what I wanted?” you ask yourself repeatedly and tirelessly. “But sex is a need,” you justify rightly every time you guilt yourself. “I will delete the app now,” you promise for the nth time. You don’t believe that, do you? (You did delete it, though – for the nth time. But just reinstall it anytime freely.) * “I guess you’re active,” he teases. You would smirk, as always, when a man lying opposite of you gives that impression. Well, a correct presumption. How could they know? You often ask yourself. You just do hook up at least once a week. Or do you remember the day when you had three? (Not at the same time and altogether, though. But it is another story to tell, I bet. #threesome ) Define active …is what you would reply to the man now breaking your embrace. Then he would predictably refuse to say the word – the act that you just did. The man in his glowing face is now tongue-tied. Well, you’re just trying to keep the conversation he started. How is that a man can ask for se...

The problem with the past is that no one can relive it. It was the present before it turns into a memory. However we live life, time will show that our memory can only hold much remembrance. The knowledge of the past can sometimes transform inaction to action, shift powerful to powerless, and change innocence to ignorance. Learning and studying the past, no matter how terrible or rewarding, shapes the minds of today. The subtleties and intricacies of events have its way to make simple narrative complex, and complicated story basic. Clearly, there are different treatment and approaches to perceive and consume such; but I learned that people make history and history makes people. The History of the Philippines is yet to be filled with completeness, only if that is the case. I realized that theories were only formulated over time and such are yet to fill the gaps of the past. From the emergence of man to establishing societies, all aspects of life has its own history. Our country, wi...

"I'm sorry, I'm late." is what either of us would say every time we meet. Perhaps one of us had showered longer than usual and it was always me. I remember bathing so well when I was finally going to formally meet you – not that I didn’t always shower nicely for the meet ups to follow. In fact, I always do. I always bathe too slow or too long that it came to the point it aggravated you. I lived in the north; your place was south of mine and I always bothered to travel that far. It was worth it, I thought. Or at least the sex . It was an empty pleasure just like every hook up I ever had. But you were different. I thought you looked like the man of my dreams – yet I ask myself now if I ever had one – only to find out that everything…was just actually really…a dream. You were a bit of a bothersome but funny, nonetheless. Something I could tolerate. But then I guessed you were the one who couldn’t tolerate me anymore, could you? The blame game started like we were a c...

Before logging out, a thought came about my classmates and teachers who are apolitical. Their children would inherit the nonparticipation and will live inside a bubble that "that's the way things are". But I guess they will live happier. Ignorance is bliss. Happiness is the goal (the great humanity subscribes to this philosophy) and this end would justify the means. Good or evil, as long as you're happy, you do it. Even the law is not enough to police you. But perhaps, we are political because we are happy to participate, aren't we? It transcends self-validation because you aren't only political for yourself - you are political for and because of others. The idea that things can be changed and improved is affirmed by people who think the same. But you know not everyone thinks alike so you challenge yourself. You finally get to understand why people are apolitical. You cannot blame them for their neutrality or biases, can you? They might have as much a...

They say, “Promises are meant to be broken”; I say – that shouldn’t be the case when the people’s lives and the nation’s future are at stake. The power of promises and such declaration is extremely misused for personal and selfish interest of politicians running for office. History proves that they have utilized rhetoric speeches in order to convince, or to put it bluntly – to lure the electorate or all the people who have the power to vote in an election. We should learn from this and begin making these politicians accountable for their broken and false promises by suing them for non-fulfillment of platforms which they officially declared during campaigns. “If elected president, give me about three to six months, I will get rid of corruption, drugs and criminality,”  sounds familiar? Can we say that 16 million Filipinos fell for this? We can only guess, right? Politicians can give strong words as much as they wish, from promising changes to ambitious projects that really cli...