Bro and Foe

I’d claim that you know us, Trio. If not, I would guess you’ve seen us three. No? You can read Serendipity (Memento #Trio) to have a background first on what I’m going to talk about here now.

I’m going to talk about them, again – after a long time. Though I think my memento was the only time I talked about them after all, at least here in my blog (explicitly and unapologetically).

College is where you meet new people and try to keep the old ones.

Especially in our case, we were totally apart from one another. I went to a state university, Ryan entered a private one, while JD opted to take the opportunity to study abroad. It’s been a year already; we are not freshmen anymore. We already had a taste of what it’s like, or so we thought.

(For the record, I think this blog won’t be as explicit and unapologetic like Serendipity, assuming that it is. I just really wanted to share something – some things about us. To put it more bluntly, things about me or about the things I realized lately about them, about us.)

I feel like I’m prolonging the introduction, am I right? Are you ready? 

I wish I am. 

I wish we were.

We seemed ready. We did. We even bade our farewells through road trips, night talks, and letters. Fun that was.

Communication was lessened. Interaction turned into rare video calls, short conversation, and occasional invites. Busy we were.

Fun and Busy. We were having fun while getting busy with our respective academics and stuff. JD learned new things; Ryan faced different settings; I, on the other hand, enjoyed being away.

Or did we?

Rephrase. Pause. Think.

Backspace.

Enter.

Sure, he learned new things – new language, new culture, and new people. At the same time, he kept old things – the way he talks, the way he thinks, and the way he surrounds himself with people. Some things remain the same, he thought.

Amazed was he when he earned a scholarship – from half to full. Yet he didn’t give up old allowances - a big boy with a deep sense of romance, a young man trying to improve something, and a son proving his own worth. Things will change, he hopes.

Here comes the one who had his dream fulfilled – freedom and art. However, he missed some vision, figuratively and literally – a healthy lifestyle, a stable mind, and a well…being. Nothing’s changed, he realized.

What does one make with these three?

Insecure. Afraid. Vain.

Clueless they are.

They say old habits die hard. Isn’t it true? I told them we are a different person in different people. We don’t wear a mask but a shade. Our true colors stay with the same people, only that those colors are plural. What does that even mean?

Brother and Foe – with or without s, regardless, it’s the same person. 

I am my own enemy; my mind thinks more than it can hold.  

Ryan is his own insecurity; his standards he set makes him outrun himself. 

JD is his own nightmare; his frustrations in life turned him exactly what he fears it to be.

People don’t change; situations do.

I try to convince myself that that is true. I try to convince myself that that is false. 

I wonder how much the other two try to convince themselves with things they do and don’t believe. I can only guess; they can only guess.

This exceeded the 500-wordmark. Should I continue? 

Shall we? 

Because time proves that not all of us can. Our situations separated and bound us apart and together. How unlucky. Hmmm.

Rephrase. Pause. Think. Again. 

Backspace.

Enter.

How promising that each one of us has its own timing. In different margin. In varying spacing. No matter how much we conceal our truths, brothers understand. Brothers respect and wait. They accept what is given and they give what they can. Separation may feel an accidental hit of that tab button, but one may shift back to start again as one enters another state of content and desire.

I once told that I would take a bullet for them. Now I say I would take a bullet for this kind of friendship! As loss and regrets are inevitable, there are other things that just don't change. And we can only hope that these are good things, right? Like road trips, night talks, and letters.

Viva la vida!