The Boy Who Stutters

"Sid (Dingdong Dantes) is a guy who suffers from insomnia. Through the many lonely nights, he meets Aya (Anne Curtis). Who is she, really? And how will she change Sid’s life?" I watched Sid & Aya: Not a Love Story during its first day in Cinemas (May 30, 2018) having hopes it would be a good movie, but it isn't - at least for me. I won't include the summary of the story for somehow that's the catch, or so I thought. Sid's narration during the movie highly expresses the struggle he has to deal with...alone - until Aya came into his life. (THAT'S NOT A SPOILER BECAUSE THE TRAILER HAS ALREADY FED IT TO THE AUDIENCE!) Black Swan - an unpredictable or unforeseen event, typically one with extreme consequences. That's the theme of the story. SPOILER ALERT. And Aya is the black swan happened to Sid for which he needed in his life. Events happened serendipitously until their emotions took over - for which always happens in reality. The things

“He left and I’m still alive. The thing about life is we always survive.” (IpKaurNagi) He spoke his mind; now let me have my turn as he shared what we had in the latter days of our relationship, as he openly wrote about the limbo of our love. How dare him?! How dare he speak so sincere and honest while he was harsh to me? I remember the times when he used to correct my faults until he no longer did. He has lost his tolerance on my immaturity and seemed not to care at all.  I remember the times when he could manage my impulsiveness until he no longer did. He has lost his patience to handle my behavior and seemed not to bother at all.  I remember the times when he almost always wanted to spend time with me until he no longer did. He has lost his priority, who happens to be me, and seemed not to worry at all. Indeed. He fell out of love, didn’t he? Since he just told his narrative, his own version of the truth, I think I ought to share mine.

Yes, I could say that our relationship was in a limbo.  This may be the first time that I’m going to talk about it here. That’s bravery, right? I was coward in my relationship, however. I admitted it multiple times for I know what kind of partner I was to her. The thing is – no matter how hard I try, I end up failing to man up, to be consistent, and to be someone she wishes me to be. What put our relationship in limbo is something we both are guilty of, or so I thought. We think more than we speak and when we do, we speak more than we think. Did someone fall out of love? Is it normal to fall out of love?  Well, I’m not capable to know what is normal from not for I have no previous experiences to know the normalcy of being in love. I cannot truly answer whether one of us has fallen out of love. But one thing is for sure – I got to learn the intricacies of a relationship. I may not have fully understood it when I had it but every part of it was enlightening – at least for me.

It's been a year. I can't help but realize how the situation didn't change even a little bit. Do things really get better or do we just get used to it? Admittedly, it was only getting worse. That's the thing about us - we always aim to be better when in fact we always end up being the worse. Life is full of paradoxes, isn't it? You wish you were stronger. You wish you were better. You wish to have won wars without sacrificing anything. You wish to have forgotten and forgiven every thing that people did to you. .  Guess what? We're still stuck at the same place, same problem, and we're still the same people! You have become passive to your situation; she is still trying hard to redeem herself, he persistently is not being a good example to you, she is still ignorant of the situation, and he is about to enter a new phase in his personal life. Has a year changed anything? Unfortunately, looking back from then and now, nothing has changed at all. No

Yes, I was UP or nothing. It was the only College Entrance Test (CET) that I took, nothing else. I actually pride myself until post-UPCAT anxiety kicked in. As the time spent waiting for the release of the results, I doubted myself and thought of another plan for college. I searched for Top Film Schools in the country, UP Film Institute (Diliman) topped, then there's College of St. Benilde which is so costly but tempting, and two institutions in Cebu which are actually enticing. I waited, doubted, haven't slept, overthink, got anxious and all. Yes, people would commonly think I'd automatically pass given that I'm the top student in my school. But that wasn't my case. Having blank answers in UPCAT upset me, not being able to finish English and Math subtests worried me, and knowing that I'm not 100% sure in my answers troubled me whether I would make it or not. (THIS IS HOW ANXIOUS I WAS WHILE WAITING FOR THE RESULTS TO COME!) So here's a proactive