The Letter I Never Had the Courage to Give You

To someone who let me down,
           
Today, I was in tears. You were across the other table. I still couldn’t believe it. I never thought you could. I still couldn’t accept that you attempted. Of all people, why her? Why engage with the person whom I had a past, worse whom I could have a future? Why? Until now, I still couldn’t believe you did it. I knew you, but I never hinted you would actually get her involved with your petty urge of entertainment and pleasure!
           
To tell you honestly, I have no rights over her since we already ended up. But to also tell you frankly, I thought you’d respect ours as much as I respect your relationship. It never occurred to me that you could and would do such a thing. I really wish you respected me. I wish you have thought of me before engaging in something like that. 

 I was caught off guard when I learned about it. I felt numb. I felt nothing at first because I didn’t yet acknowledge that you did that. However, hours later, days later, I realize that you actually did.
          
I tried and kept thinking whether you show any indications towards her, but I fail to come up with a conclusive conclusion and ended up connecting the dots aimlessly.
         
Now, I have to live with the fact that you betrayed me behind my back – that you did such thing without me noticing. You did a very good job of being subtle. Damn, I never put any malice on your closeness even I could already be jealous.
           
I warned you; we talked about it and I was assured. From then on, I never doubted you until I learned otherwise.

I trusted you. I respected you. I hope you respected me too. And hey, do you know what pains me more? It is the fact that you never told me anything about it. I’m not even sure whether you ever plan to tell me about it. You hurt my feelings big time! You did something I never thought you would. I knew you could, but it never really occurred to me that you actually would. Yes! This is the day you saw me in tears and I excused that my head just aches. How could I respond? How could I confront you? How could I tell you that you’re the reason behind those tears, behind the pain you inflicted on me?  


September 8, 2017

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