The Letter I Never Had the Courage to Give You

To someone who let me down,
           
Today, I was in tears. You were across the other table. I still couldn’t believe it. I never thought you could. I still couldn’t accept that you attempted. Of all people, why her? Why engage with the person whom I had a past, worse whom I could have a future? Why? Until now, I still couldn’t believe you did it. I knew you, but I never hinted you would actually get her involved with your petty urge of entertainment and pleasure!
           
To tell you honestly, I have no rights over her since we already ended up. But to also tell you frankly, I thought you’d respect ours as much as I respect your relationship. It never occurred to me that you could and would do such a thing. I really wish you respected me. I wish you have thought of me before engaging in something like that. 

 I was caught off guard when I learned about it. I felt numb. I felt nothing at first because I didn’t yet acknowledge that you did that. However, hours later, days later, I realize that you actually did.
          
I tried and kept thinking whether you show any indications towards her, but I fail to come up with a conclusive conclusion and ended up connecting the dots aimlessly.
         
Now, I have to live with the fact that you betrayed me behind my back – that you did such thing without me noticing. You did a very good job of being subtle. Damn, I never put any malice on your closeness even I could already be jealous.
           
I warned you; we talked about it and I was assured. From then on, I never doubted you until I learned otherwise.

I trusted you. I respected you. I hope you respected me too. And hey, do you know what pains me more? It is the fact that you never told me anything about it. I’m not even sure whether you ever plan to tell me about it. You hurt my feelings big time! You did something I never thought you would. I knew you could, but it never really occurred to me that you actually would. Yes! This is the day you saw me in tears and I excused that my head just aches. How could I respond? How could I confront you? How could I tell you that you’re the reason behind those tears, behind the pain you inflicted on me?  


September 8, 2017

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The Historical Origin and Cultural Implications of Bañamos Festival of Los Baños, Laguna

Image
The month is September and as a child, my grandmother would bring me to the town plaza to watch the Balye sa Kalye , the most awaited event in Bañamos festival of our municipality. This goes every year with my grandma until I grew older to watch other events of the festival by myself or with my friends. The festival was just colors and music, an entertainment, and an annual celebration until I gained the consciousness to wonder its origin and curiosity to ask its implications to the local culture, which set the rationale of this paper. Origin             The festival’s name Bañamos, which is a Spanish term meaning “we bathe”, is ascribed to the name of the municipality, Los Baños meaning “the baths”. This is due to the fact that the founding of Los Baños goes back to the Spanish colonization. In the late 16 th century, a canonical mission in the lakeshore towns of Laguna led the Franciscans to come by the hot springs of barrio Mainit , only a visita then (a chapel under a par
Read more

Pabula: Ang Dalawang Magkaibigang Daga

Image
Sa Kaharian ng Dagatanra ay may dalawang magkaibigan. Umusbong ang pagkakaibigan nila noong maliliit pa sila. Magkaibigan din ang mga magulang nila. Palagi rin silang nagkakasundo sa mga kalokohan ng bawat isa. Isang araw, pumasok sa isip ni Bugoy na pumunta sa kweba ng isang higanteng ahas habang nakikinig sa kwento ng isang matandang daga. Ang higanteng ahas ay ang nakaalitan noon ng kanilang pinuno. Ipinagtanggol ni Haring Mapatangra pati ng mga mandirigmang daga ang kanilang mamamayan dahil nanggugulo ang mga higanteng ahas sa palasyo subalit maraming nasawi sa sagupaan na iyon. Alam ng magkaibigan ang nangyari noon sa palasyo pero hindi nagdalawang isip si Bugoy. “Buboy, pumunta tayo sa kweba ng higanteng ahas?” hiling niya sa kaibigan. “Bakit? anong gagawin natin doon?” patanong na sabi ni Buboy. “Gusto ko kasing makita ang itsura ng ahas.” “Ha? Ano ka ba? Alam natin na mapanganib sa kweba?” “Eh ano naman! Basta, sumama ka nalang kasi! ” malinaw na sinabi niya sa kaibigan. “Si
Read more

Analysis: Ang Sayaw ng Dalawang Kaliwang Paa

Image
Profound, complex, and beautiful.   The 2011 drama film of Alvin Yapan is an acclaimed motion picture that uses dance, poetry, and emotion to symbolize a deeper meaning about gender, sexuality, and character. The narrative involves a love triangle between Marlon (Paulo Avelino), Karen (Jean Garcia), and Dennis (Rocco Nacino). Dennis has started to invest emotionally on Marlon upon teaching him to dance to impress their literature teacher/dance instructor whom the latter is infatuated with. The film, however, does not focus solely on the romance of the characters but with the meaning behind every delivered poem, every dance routine, and every subtle projection of emotions through visual portrayal and effective sound. Ang Sayaw ng Dalawang Kaliwang Paa is wisely created as there’s more than the movie plot – there are reflections of gender sensitivity and fluidity, paradoxical representation of sexuality, and philosophical insights about feminism, affection, and devotion.  In the c
Read more

Tiwala

Image
“Napakahirap makuha pero napakadaling mawala.”  Isang bagay na kailangan mo munang paghirapan bago mo makuha nang buo. Tunay na mahirap, tunay na komplikado, at tunay na mahalaga; ito ang tiwala! Masasabing lahat ng tao pinapahalagan ito. Alam natin ang kahalagahan nito sa anumang relasyon: relasyon sa kapwa, sa kaibigan, sa pamilya, pati na rin sa sarili. Ngunit alam ba talaga natin ang totoong kahalagan nito? Ang tiwala ang nagsisilbing sandigan ng anumang relasyon. Ito ang nagpapanatili ng samahan upang magpatuloy at lalong tumatag. Ito an gating pinanghahawakan kahit gaano pa karami ang ating hinala. Ang tiwala rin ang nagpapalakas ng loob ng isang indibidwal upang gumawa sa buong makakaya. Ito rin ang nagpapanatag ng ating kalooban at kaisipan. Ubod na halaga ang tiwala kaya marapat lamang na pahalagahan ito.  Ang problema sa tao, alam natin ang kahalagan nito subalit hindi natin lubos na alam kung paano ito mapapahalagahan nang tama kapag ibinigay sa atin ito ng atin
Read more

Bar Boys (2017): A Movie Review

Image
One of my picks among Pista ng Pelikulang Pilipino (PPP) movie entries is Bar Boys with a synopsis of "The misadventures of three young men who try their luck in the college of law. As their friendship, families, relationships and convictions are brought to breaking point, they must keep their heads and emotions together as they prepare for the big day." I watched the movie with my friend with no particular expectation. Fortunately, having watched the film, I suddenly asked myself "how can it exceed my expectation if I didn't set any at all?" because it just happens that it exceeded my expectation as I don't honestly usually watch Filipino movies. The theme of the movie is about the struggles of being a law student dealing with the challenges of studying and passing, dealing with college professors (who each have distinct personality) and their respective subjects, and dealing with the relationships one has in his family, friends, and significant others
Read more

Breaking the Gold: The Golden Years of Philippine Cinema

Image
Image by PublicDomainPictures from Pixabay Introduction – The Perceived Notion of Golden Times. The age of cinema as a form of art and industry is relatively young as compared to other forms. In the Philippine context, the history of cinema has just only reached its centennial year with the beginnings from 1917 when Malayan Movies, a film company founded by Jose Nepomuceno and his brother Jesus, was established, to 1919 when the first Filipino feature film was produced – Dalagang Bukid (Country Maiden), produced by the same company. In spite of having a comprehensive history of Philippine cinema yet to be written, the industry has proven to develop and mature with regards to filmmaking style, form, and content for it to have the so-called ‘golden age’. Such Golden Age is ostensibly characterized by great progress, or as Cambridge dictionary defines it, “a period of time, sometimes imaginary, when everyone was happy, or when a particular art, business, etc. was very successful
Read more

Patay na si Hesus (2016): A Review

Image
I had an early screening of this movie in UPLB since I didn't want to miss it knowing that it is one of the entries in Pista ng Pelikulang Pilipino (PPP). To be honest, I got interested with the film initially because of its intriguing title. Jesus is Dead . However, after watching the movie trailer, I knew it would be different. It just happens that I got more interested having watched the trailer even it didn't already meet my expectation to talk about Faith and Religion (which I am greatly engrossed about).  For some reason, I was excited. Is it because I'd be watching a Filipino film in the big screen once again after a long time of not patronizing it? I had hopes of not being disappointed and... the movie did not disappoint.  "When Iyay, a single mother, learns that her estranged husband has died, she drags the entire family on a road trip from Cebu to Dumaguete to attend the funeral."   as its synopsis, Patay na si Hesus is a road-trip movie
Read more

Pagsulat sa Filipino - Lakbay-Sanaysay

Image
“Summer capital of the Philippines,” ganito binansagan ang lugar na Baguio City. Sa aking mga paglalakbay, isa ang Baguio sa aking mga hindi malilimutan. Tatlong beses na akong nakarating dito: ang unang dalawa (Septyembre 2007 at Mayo 2016) ay kasama ang aking pamilya at ang huli ay field trip sa aming paaralan (Oktubre 2016). “Hindi nakakasawa,” sabi ko sa aking isipan nang makarating muli ako.             Malamig ang klima rito, batid naman ito ng nakakarami; ito na siguro ang pangunahing dahilan ng mga turista sa kanilang pagbisita. Subalit bukod sa malamig na klima, tunay na marami pang maipagmamalaki ang Baguio! Isa na rito ang Burnham Park , ang itinuturing puso ng Baguio. Dahil hindi iyon ang aking unang pagbisita, masasabi ko na may mga nagbago. Lalong dumami ang tao, mas pinaganda ang ilang anyo ng istraktura, at higit na kasiya-siya kumpara sa aking huling pagpunta. (Trivia! Ang tanyag na parke na ito ay ipinangalan sa Amerikanong arkitekto at taga-plano ng lungsod ng
Read more

Torpe

Image
Torpe! Torpe! Torpe! Isang salita na tumutukoy sa taong hindi mailabas ang kanyang damdamin. Maraming ganyan lalo na sa panliligaw. May taong gustong gusto mo subalit hindi mo masabi kasi TORPE ka. Gusto mo siyang makausap at makasama kaso hindi mo kaya kasi nga TORPE ka. Nais mong lumapit at sabihin ang nararamdaman mo pero hindi mo magawa kasi TORPE ka. Ano nga ba ang Torpe? Paano mo masasabing Torpe ang isang lalaki? Mismo ako, masasabi ko na ako ay isang torpeng lalaki. Nahihiya, nangangamba, nanghihina ang loob at higit sa lahat natatakot mareject, ganyan na ganyan ang saktong nararamdaman ng isang torpeng lalaki. Kahit gusto mo ang isang tao, mahihiya ka kasi baka hindi ka pansinin o kausapin kapag lumapit ka. Nangangamba ka kung anong mangyayari, kung ayos lang ba sa kanya kapag sinabi mo ang nararamdaman mo. Manghihina ang loob mo sa takot na baka ireject ka kapag nagtapat ka sa kanya. Ang pagiging torpe ng isang lalaki ay nakadepende rin sa babaeng nagugustuhan niy
Read more

FILM ANALYSIS: The Founder (2016)

Image
SYNOPSIS “The story of Ray Kroc, a salesman who turned two brothers' innovative fast-food eatery, McDonald's, into the biggest restaurant business in the world, with a combination of ambition, persistence, and ruthlessness” (IMDb). The Founder is a 2016 biopic film directed by John Lee Hancock, written by Robert Siegel, and starred Michael Keaton, Nick Offerman, John Carroll Lynch, and Laura Dern; which is based on a true story of how a man gained supremacy in the food industry. The film highlights business principles, personal integrity, and success through wealth as its themes while being a sight of wonder as a motion picture. CONTENT OF THE FILM TACKLED Starting as a salesman, Ray Kroc travels from state to state to offer and market supposedly useful products by Prince Castle but always gets rejected or ignored. Receiving a call of six orders of his 5-spindle milkshake maker, he thought it was a mistake until he finally called the customer to clear the said order whic
Read more