I'm Letting You Go [LETTER]

Hi [redacted]! I hope you read this letter first before you decide to throw it. May you read it till the very end, please? This might be my last message to you as I will include what I wanted to express, and I will write everything that I felt. I hope you won’t t judge me with the things I will say here. I wish, even in this manner, you get to finally understand me.

First of all, I wanted to say sorry for I only felt pain over you. We both knew that we weren’t ready for this relationship; I was overwhelmed and even felt shocked since I didn’t know what to do during the time I was trying to fix things. I was trying to get over the bad things I have felt.

I knew that you’re an asshole, but I have still loved you anyway. I have accepted you completely, I have accepted everything about you; no matter how hard it was to love you, I still did. I guess, I still do.

Every time I talk to you, the feeling was always there, the feeling of affection and connection towards you. I have let myself get drowned with that kind of feeling, and as a result, I have only fallen for you so many times that you are not able to catch me.
That no matter how much I fall for you, no matter how deep, and no matter how many times I do, you just keep failing to catch me.
I am sure that even I give my best efforts to you, you will not change. It is always up to you if you will or perhaps you won’t. I was happy when I got to notice the gradual changes you do for yourself. You managed to stop smoking and using vape. I was the happiest, did you know that?

Even in the shortest time we were together, I felt complete again…because I can be with you again. I felt great happiness when you courted me. Even I knew you still had feelings for [redacted], I tried to forget it and just enjoy every moment we had together.

I knew that the day will come where you will be the one to break it up to me. I know that you can’t afford to have someone in your life who is immature. You cannot accept someone like me who comforts you in a way that you don’t like. I know… I know I am immature at times, I react immaturely maybe because that’s who we are, girls.

True, we have changed greatly. We both expected about this relationship and it just happens that we both failed in fulfilling the expectations of one another. Maybe that’s the reason why we didn’t last.

You know what? I didn’t let myself enter a new relationship for almost three years, waiting for you to come back. I cannot rid the idea of you out of my mind. I learned that my heart still beats for you; I learned it has always been you, my love. I will keep choosing you no matter how many times you hurt me, no matter how hard you hurt my feelings. I don’t care what other people may think of me; I don’t care if they think I’m stupid to love you and choosing you over again. I can accept that, I have long accepted that. Maybe there’s nothing I can do about that at all. Maybe fate has just given me another chance to be with you again… for a short time. I can assure you that God knows how badly I wanted to be with you again.

Thank you for letting me feel the love I have long waited. Thank you for the effort when you fetched me from our house so you can bring me to [redacted]. I guess I can never forget that. Thank you for all the happy and bittersweet memories.

I’m sorry if I didn’t get to appreciate the changes you were making; I know how hard it has been for you. I really thought we can be together in my upcoming [redacted] this year; my bad, I thought we can be together again.

To make it worse, the time after our breakup is the time [redacted; too personal]. I was devastated, the idea of [redacted] sting like hell. I was seeking for your touch, your hug, your mere presence. I was looking for the man I can cry over to and talk about my family matters. It was YOU! It was you who strengthened me before during my bad times. You were my strength, that’s why I managed to move forward with my life before. And I am sorry if I am too weak. I am sorry if I cannot be strong. I’m sorry if I lose myself over you.

Maybe this is karma for me. I have played with other people’s feelings before; that’s why I am experiencing the same… and it hurts big time! Though, I still want to thank you for everything… just for everything… since from the start till now, thank you!

I have loved you for so long that I should teach myself the fact that not everyone gets a happy ending, and that I cannot get my happy ending with the person I love. It might be the last time you would have come back to me; it’s fine, I understand. Just know that I will never get tired understanding you and trying to understand you even it pains me. That’s how much I love you, I would take everything… I would sacrifice anything.

Even it hurts me, I will let you go completely. I hope you’ll find the girl you always wanted and the person who will make you happy. Our breakup might be nothing for you, I know you will still be happy even I am no longer a part of your life. And that’s my problem, I wouldn’t know how to be happy again once I lose you. I don’t know if I can be happy again now that I have lost the reason of my happiness, YOU.

I really wish you get the happiness that you deserve.

If we will never have another chance to be together again, maybe we are really never meant to be together. And if we get another shot, I hope we are both stable. I hope that happens at the right time.

Know that I will always be here. I am one text and one call away if you need me or if you just need someone to talk to. I hope you won’t forget the happy memories that we made. I will still wish that you achieve all your dreams and goals in life, even I will not be a part of your dreams anymore.

This might be my last message for you as I will change my number after. I don’t want to be the reason for your stress. Now that you’ve read this, it is up to you now if you will keep or dispose this letter. I hope you understood everything I have written here.


I will always love you until my hair turns white. You will always be my everything… my [redacted]… my [redacted]… I will love you until my last breath. Remember that I will always be your little [redacted].

-the one that got away

---
Written and translated in March 2017
6/9

Some words are redacted to keep the identity of the writer and the recipient. 
TBWS got the permission of the owner to publish it here as long as "their identities" are not recognizable. 

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