The Boy Who Stutters

Friday, Feb. 15, 2019 ∙ 18:38 Hey –  Got it.  Probably I’m gonna have dinner here first. Then good to go. Just so you know, I’m part Chinese, I tend to have Asian flush syndrome or the face redness when drunk. Just don’t freak out when that happens. People usually get concerned. But not gonna drink much since it’s been long since my last. Thanks. Hey. I’m still dressing. What time? What time? ?? I’m sorry bro..I was waiting too. I’ll be on my way now. Almost there. Traffic jam at rodics. I’m here. Alright. I’m wrapping up naman na. Are you good with TK? Haha don’t worry, that is noted. You don’t have to rush. I’m still waiting for the jeep.  I’m on the jeep. Will wait for you sa Ministop. Mga 8pm or before 8pm nandoon na ako. Malapit na ko. Sa ministop See you bro Rodic’s Bahay ng Alumni? Saturday, Feb. 16, 2019 ∙ 00:39 Nakauwi ka na?  Yup Saturday, Feb. 16, 2019 ∙ 03:14  Hey, sorry I missed your call. I jgh. Anyway, I went out yester-night with an 18-yr old ...

Parang natatakot akong maging gising pa rin sa ganitong oras. Delikadong mag-isip. Delikadong mag-isa. Pinilit ko ang sarili ko na matulog bago mag alas-dose para maligtas ng ilang Linggo pero may gabi, tulad nito, na pumapalpak ako. Hindi inasahan. Bakit ko aasahan diba? Takot nga ako diba. Hindi ba? Nagpaalala na naman ang utak ko. Ng kamalian. Ng pagsisi. Ng kakulangan. Ng kawalang halaga. Sana iba ang pinaalala, kung mahihiling ko lang.  Sana.  Ang bigat kaso hindi ko mahanap kung ano. Kung alin. Kung saan. Kung sino. O bakit, o kaya paano? Matutulog ako.  Magigising at buburahin ang bawat kataga na nadama sa panahon nang naisulat ko 'to. Kalimutan nalang natin. Ulit. 16 June 2020

Writers write to forget. They want the truth but lie. Imagine the rule of box…they have to follow, disobey, or comply and break. Memories betray the mind. They hurt and remind the pain. Fabricate a picture…so the feelings stay away. Words save the forgetful. They comfort uncertainty with make-believe. Sadly, it works. It saves and comforts. * Writers write to forget. An irony – because, how could they? How could they write or forget?  How could writers write to forget when writing saves memory? How could writers write to forget when writing immortalizes what they wish to forget? Writers are fools. They are fools to believe that it works that way. Or maybe writers write to really forget.  They do so they can finally leave it behind.  That’s a way of putting it.  A cheat. But writers wish it works that way. But there are writers who really write to forget. They try. And fail.  But they will try again. And fail again. Because writers don’t just write to f...