Black Shoes

It’s been a week since school started, and I still don’t have my uniform. I made a promise that I’d finally be able to wear it by this week as we were only given one week allowance. 

I went to the tailor shop, which my best friend recommended, to check if my uniforms are already tailored. Fortunately, they are all done so I told the tailor that I’d be back just to get my payment. By the way, his shop is just near so I just traveled by my grandfather’s bike.

I came home, informed my father about it, and courageously asked him for money. He asked for the amount and I answered how much it is exactly hence receiving the exact amount. I immediately returned to acquire my uniforms.

But this is not about my uniform, this is about my black shoes.

I realized, I already have my uniform, my old black pants, but black shoes. I ought to buy a new pair because I got nothing to wear; however, I don’t have any budget. For some reason, I don’t want to ask for money. And for some undefined reasons, I don’t want to ask other people to lend me some. I can, but I won’t. I know I can borrow from my grandmother and I also know I can definitely ask my father – but I didn’t.

I remembered my savings – my savings that never had the chance to be deposited in my account. Well, I didn’t deposit my savings for a reason. I kept it for this. I keep money for situations like these – situations when I don’t want to add more burden to our current financial issues. I checked the place where I hid it and took some from the envelope. “I had to do this,” I thought.

I prepped and notified them, “I’ll be out to buy my shoes.” I wish my father heard me. “If you are offered by 450, bid for a lower price.” My mother reminded me as I know she has nothing to give but a piece of advice. “I don’t do bargain,” I replied in my mind because I really don’t negotiate.

I reached the market place and went to the first shoe store I saw. I scrutinized the designs and instantly realized there are no significant differences among them, so I just chose what I actually liked and asked for my size. As I waited, I noticed other customers beside me – a father and a son, or at least I presumed they are related. They struck me as father and son, maybe because I wish they are.

Seeing something like that stopped me. Standing with them saddened me. The lad seems to have the same age as mine, and his father’s built resembles my father. That moment hit me; I knew I envied them. I envy something like that. We were buying the same thing; the only difference is that he’s with his father while I’m not. He has someone with him while I was there –alone. Someone listens to his thoughts while no one was there for me. His father helps him while my father doesn’t even know where I was and what I am doing.

I was already emotional even before the saleslady handed me the shoes of my size, which prevented another tear to fall.

I wore the sock that I brought before fitting the shoes. It fitted, of course, since I know my size. However, I didn’t purchase it right after. “How much for this?” I asked the lady. “I’ll just go check other stores,” I told her after learning the price. But I knew I’m definitely going to buy it, I just wanted to leave the situation and go somewhere for a while. I couldn’t stand being jealous over strangers who happen to be so ideal. So I left.

I left going to the following stores which all did not offer my taste. I kept looking anyway and killed the remaining time looking for nothing.

I went back to the first store and was ready to purchase the shoes I initially and finally desired. The father and his son were already gone, which is a good thing. I hate to feel this way, but I absolutely envy them – a father and a son.

And guess what, I ended up following my mother's tip. I managed to bargain it for a lower price.

I went home with the black shoes I bought. I thought I would be proud buying it from my own money; I was wrong – I wish my dad would buy it for me!

-TBWS

June 26, 2017

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