Cigarettes After Sex

You woke up in a different bed. The place doesn't seem familiar. Of course, you didn't look around because there's no time for that once your lips touch. And now you're looking around, noticing the undone dishes, the stack on the table, and the dust on your headboard. You didn't care about those things when your bodies were all heat up - on the spur of the moment - last night. After all, that's all what you came for - satisfaction, pleasure, and flesh.

You moved and saw the body of the person you were so eager to touch.
You turned to yourself and saw that red blemish under your chest. You tried but failed. At your frustration, it didn't go away.
You reached your top and as you fitted that wrinkled cloth, you searched for your underwear.
You uncovered the blanket, only to cover more the nude person on the other side. There you saw what you were looking for.
You finally stood up, dressed until someone woke up and bothered you.

"What time is it?"

"Six," you immediately answered since you just checked it yourself as you grabbed your phone.

You saw a smile was drawn, so you returned it then stood in front of the mirror and fixed your morning hair.

"Are you leaving?"

You didn't respond because you thought it was understood.
You used the wide mirror to observe the other parts of the room and realized your fascination. Suddenly, you felt someone from behind. You let those arms feel your bones. You liked and didn't like it at the same time. Why?

You're done, that's for sure. You got what you came for and assured yourself that it was nothing, just plain fun or at least that's what you thought.

It got tighter. Your tool down there also started to resist those garters. You did your best, didn't you?

"I got class," you finally broke the harmony you found so relaxing.

You know you already told that last night but you still said it. Why?

You are now confronted by the face you were so excited to see after you exchanged photos. You finally met, personally indulged the beauty, and totally enjoyed every skin of it.

You saw another smile and even if you've had better, you know you've never seen like that one before.
'It was nothing,' you assured again, or tried but apparently failed when you saw the nudity.

You have already seen that, right? To be frank, you have seen a lot already and they sure all satisfied you, right? This is nothing new to you for you only sought flesh to complete you. Nothing more. Nothing less. Is that right?

You clearly admitted that you are empty and you have used people to try filling that emptiness but no one actually has ever succeeded or probably you never let anyone try.

You saw that kiss coming but you didn't do a thing. You like kissing. You do. But this time you knew that answering such wish would turn you upside down, literally and figuratively.
Just about when you were ready to respond, you were left alone.

Would you want to come back?

You heard that clearly and yet did not even acknowledge the question because you thought it was too understood. You thought it was given that such intimacy only lasts for one night, or at least that's what you're accustomed to. You never truly do a person again, do you?

You didn't want to lie. It's not your thing, you said. You happened to know better but you replied,

I would love to.

You walked towards the bed and felt another hug. You definitely know this time that you want to do it again with the same person at another time, but you aren't so sure if you can.

You found yourself smiling as you view your reflections from the window. Despite feeling so home, you broke the unity and went to the glass. You said you love the high view of the place. 'So metro' you thought because you used to live in the province.

At your side, the nudity has been covered. Yet the picture of the nakedness you were exposed last night lingered til light. Aside from liking the place, you didn't want to admit liking the person. 'It's not my thing," you reminded yourself once more before picking your bag up from the sofa you both exhausted the time you arrived.

You are used to cigarettes - throwing the head off after consuming the body. You always choose it knowing it would not last. It doesn't bother you as long as it satisfies you even just for a period of time. You have always settled for cigars and the smoke they emit. What's with the fire you find so indulging? As much as you're concerned, you didn't burn before any of this - what do you call it - temporary happiness.

And then you discovered a possibility - a possibility that may revert or alter you. You now ask yourself questions you never entertained answering because you think it would always end up in you not daring to risk anything as you did before. It bombarded you anyway but just before you totally succumbed to the possibility you yourself created, you decided to say your goodbye and dragged yourself to the door.

You held the knob but stopped. Why?

Only to realize you were searching your pockets; you then took a cigar and finally left.


-TBWS
31 October 2018

P.S.
I titled this write-up with the latest band I discovered:
Such an intriguing name that made me write about it.
For promotion talaga tong blog na'to kasi gusto kong ishare yung mga kanta ng Cigarettes After Sex. Listen to them, gaiz! Forget about what I wrote and just enjoy their songs. Hahahahaha (Kunwari, fiction. Kasi fiction naman talaga)

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