Who am I?

     "You know yourself better," as they say. People usually believe that one knows himself better than anyone else. I guess it may and may not be true since one has undergone the struggle of trying understanding oneself. I have been there, we all have been there: a situation where you could not figure out who you are and ending up asking, who am I?

     I am not a self-proclaimed person who entitles himself with anything that sounds good and just to make himself feel better. Like the others, I am flawed, perfect with imperfections. I have asked what other people's impression of me and there's something that stood up the most: serious and snob. However, that doesn't speak completely about me as it serves only their impression about me. But then I figured that I will be able to know myself better with the help of the people around me, so I asked them the same question I asked myself, who am I?

     "You're responsible, organized, and controlling," most say and my personal development teacher told me that I fall in being conscientious. "You take things seriously," said my friend, I wasn't sure if it's a compliment. "You're a preacher," my significant other has told me with conviction. "You're an ideal student and inspirational leader," as what my adviser once said. "You're a trustworthy, reliable and generous friend," my friends told me. "You're a good adviser," my protégé said to me. "You're an honorable son," said my parents. All of these didn't come from me but from the people around me.  Can I argue with those? Even I want to, it's their perspective of me; whether I can justify it or not, that's the way they look at me. That's who I am in their eyes.

       How do I see myself? Asking others the way they view me is easier than asking myself. I try not to be self-proclaimed as much as possible because I would not want other people to argue with my assertions. Sometimes, even I have the bragging rights, I remain silent and humble with the recognition I received. That has been my behavior since then. I could say I'm humble, or I try to be. I'm independent, or I want to be. I'm emotionally capable, or I need to be. There are several things I try to be, I want to be, and I think I need to become. I'm that someone whom people get intimidated by who I am, I'm the guy who would rather be selfless than to be selfish, I am someone who would rather give than receive because I know the feeling of having nothing, I am the guy who cares too much about people especially those who really matter to me, I am someone who keeps saving others that I forgot to save myself. I'm that guy; I am that someone.

     They say there are only two kinds of people: the hammer and the nail. I can say that I'm a nail, but people think I'm a hammer. It's either I'm the one who gets hurt, or I'm the one who causes pain. What do I want to become? I guess understanding who I am is a matter of choice I would pick on what and who I want to be.

    

November 16, 2016