Unsaid

I miss you like crazy but then again it's only probably the chase - as always. Well, I hope so. I wish it's only the chase. That's why I'm feeling and being like this.

I miss you and you know that - I hope. But things are different now, totally different now. You have finally opened yourself up to other people. Partly, I'm happy that you have, but partly, it saddens me. How ironic and predictable. Silly me.

Good old days are gone. They will remain memories which we would remember when we have bad days. That's how it works, isn't it? What we have now always led to what will be and what can be.

It's been so long since I wrote you a letter Would you mind? Of course, I'm not planning to give this to you but of course, you'll be able to read this as you do now.

I lost a place in you already

As I said before.  It seems like I got no one but myself to blame.

And before you ever think of it - don't! No comfort, no sorry, no anything. Please. We've had enough. I'm not writing this to win you back or am I? 

That's why I hope you won't be able to read this but that's only possible if I don't write and speak my mind at all.

To tell you, I tried. I tried so hard but my feelings were so full that it asked for attention I hardly ignored.

How can I not react that the love of my life is having someone new into her life?

I know. I know. I'm the idiot who let you go when I could have held you once again when you tirelessly and bravely asked for it.

No. Don't get fooled by me this time. You had enough of this. You have had enough of me, haven't you? You've known me so well.  Don't fall for this trap again. 

This pathetic move of mine should not and must not affect you for you have already recovered from the tragedy of our past. 

Don't. Don't mind any of this because you're doing me a favor. I only liked the idea of you. Please help me prove that.

I would hate myself if I think I'm still in love with you. That would be a lie, wouldn't it?

Please do yourself a favor. You now have a shot for another love - the kind of love that you think you deserve. Please. Don't deprive yourself of that. I beg you. Do your best as I will.

No matter what I do or say, nothing should get into you. For real. This time.

I hope you don't see me in him, but I know you will. You will try; you will try not to.

I hope you will not let your past control your present because you'd waste the chance of having a future with someone who's going to love you the way I couldn't.

I told my friends about how I'm feeling. I realized, or more likely, they made me realize that I still care.

Well, that made sense because why would I be like this if I don't, right?

What's the reason or excuse for writing this letter?

I myself was even puzzled by the fact that I still felt something over your situation. Why?

Sure, I haven't totally moved on yet; I'm not going to deny that. Also, I think I'm still in the right mind to make mature decisions which would not cause trouble or so I thought. 

I wished you well and believe me when I say that it was genuine.

It was only my ego and pride that bothered and keeps bothering me and you and I have to make myself believe that it's all that there is. It's only my pride and ego taking over me.

Miss, let yourself be happy. Not only just for once but for this time forward.

You are an incredible person with a big heart.

Whoever will dare to take part in it should be deserving as I wasn't.

To whomever you give your heart should know how to take care of it the way I couldn't. Promise me. 

This time, make it finally happen if you still haven't. 

Go reach your dreams. Work hard. Fall down but rise.

Finally, do what makes you happy and let others love you and help you to be happy!

Promise me, okay?

08 January 2019