The Boy Who Stutters

An old friend visited me recently. He himself delivered the food I ordered from him. I was expecting we're gonna drink, but he didn't bring anything but the food. Such a letdown. Because honestly, he kept my hopes up when he asked me the day before what beer he should buy. I was disappointed. Then I remembered he has always disappointed me. That I never told him. But I think I didn't need to because maybe he felt it (or I could only guess.). I made him stay, as implicitly planned. And so the difference is the missing beer. I didn't mind. As we talked without alcohol before, I thought we can talk again without one. Here comes the awkward silence as we try to create a conversation.  Well, we haven't seen each other for months. The last time we had talked personally was last year.  I knew what he wanted. Believe me when I claim that he wanted our old conversation. He wanted to listen to me talk about anything. He wanted to be asked the same questions. He wanted to hav...

What if that message was sent? Would it change anything? Would he reply?   You bombard yourself with these questions – repeatedly and painfully. Why? On what purpose? You made up your mind, haven’t you? What keeps bothering you? Why bother?   This isn’t the first time. In fact, if you would count every man you endured, you would only lie again when you answer the number of sexual partners you had for the past 12 months. You are going to have yourself tested again. For free condoms and lube, of course . You are going to answer the same questionnaire again. You are going to sign the same disclosure agreement again. Why? You were always safe and sure that your visit to the clinic is really just for the free rubber and lubricant. Or you’re just paranoid about some rashes on your skin.  Fine, you comfort yourself with anything anyways.   And the result was nonreactive. You’re negative, as expected. So the idea of bare still lingers. Curiosity is indeed dan...

Mahigit isang daang araw na ang lumipas nang kailanganin natin maghigpit. Tanda ko pa noon na nagdalawang isip ako kung uuwi ako sa’min. Dormer ako at may nabalitaang may dalawa o tatlong posibleng kaso sa campus. Naka-quarantine na naman daw. Propesor daw na galing sa ibang bansa tapos nagturo agad. Agad din naman tinunton ang mga lugar at tao na pinuntahan at nakasalamuha. Nagpadala ng mga pribadong mensahe at pinagquarantine din ang mga estudyante at kapwa-guro. Nalaman ko ang balita mula sa naging kaklase ko sa isang GE na nakatanggap mismo ng liham at hiling na mag self-quarantine muna. “Ibang kolehiyo naman,” naisip ko. Sapat ang distansya ng magkakalayong gusali; sobrang lawak naman ng unibersidad. Ako nga na sopomor, hindi ko pa rin nalilibot ang sangkalupaan ng eskwelehan ko. Walang dapat ikabahala. Kaso ang distansya o layo ay hindi nakatulong kung ang isip mo ay ilang araw na ring hindi pirmi. Matapos ba naman ang mga sari-saring nangyari nang pumasok ang bagong taon, s...