Alter 100 [6/12]

What if that message was sent? Would it change anything? Would he reply?

 

You bombard yourself with these questions – repeatedly and painfully. Why? On what purpose? You made up your mind, haven’t you? What keeps bothering you? Why bother?

 

This isn’t the first time. In fact, if you would count every man you endured, you would only lie again when you answer the number of sexual partners you had for the past 12 months. You are going to have yourself tested again. For free condoms and lube, of course. You are going to answer the same questionnaire again. You are going to sign the same disclosure agreement again. Why? You were always safe and sure that your visit to the clinic is really just for the free rubber and lubricant. Or you’re just paranoid about some rashes on your skin. 

Fine, you comfort yourself with anything anyways.

 

And the result was nonreactive. You’re negative, as expected. So the idea of bare still lingers.

Curiosity is indeed dangerous, isn’t it?

 

Oh you remember the dirt and hassle of going bare. You should have known better! How dare you dismiss the risk? Was it worth it? A beautiful face wouldn’t save you from sickness! No matter how much you drool over their body that you fantasize, you will never have them or even become them. You may have tasted them, got fulfilled with their erotic voice, and invaded their privacy, yet that isn’t happiness. That’s just horniness. That’s your hormones taking over. That’s your selfishness.

 

But that time was covered and you’re absolutely clean and safe. You just remembered the first time you got tested and why you had to get tested. The possibility made your life flash before your eyes. You were afraid, weren’t you? Are you still now that you’re totally negative? Will you try again?

 

You’ve seen some things and thought it was easy. You did it yourself and instantly knew it wasn’t. It is true then that you’ll never know if you’ll never try. And so you explore.

 

You finally sent the message anyway. But that boy with a handsome face only does a one night stand.



 12 July 2020


---

A monthly exhibition of the Alter world. 2020 watch out! For the next entries, [links to be published every last day/week of each month]


JANUARY - Alter 100 [1/12]
FEBRUARY - Alter 100 [2/12]
MARCH - Alter 100 [3/12]
APRIL - Alter 100 [4/12]
MAY - Alter 100 [5/12]
MIDSPECIAL - Alter 100 [6.1/12] SPECIAL
JUNE - Alter 100 [6/12]
JULY - Alter 100 [7/12]




If you like reading this, check my other secrets: 

Cigarettes After Sex

Far From Over

Whatever Helps You Sleep At Night

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The Historical Origin and Cultural Implications of Bañamos Festival of Los Baños, Laguna

Image
The month is September and as a child, my grandmother would bring me to the town plaza to watch the Balye sa Kalye , the most awaited event in Bañamos festival of our municipality. This goes every year with my grandma until I grew older to watch other events of the festival by myself or with my friends. The festival was just colors and music, an entertainment, and an annual celebration until I gained the consciousness to wonder its origin and curiosity to ask its implications to the local culture, which set the rationale of this paper. Origin             The festival’s name Bañamos, which is a Spanish term meaning “we bathe”, is ascribed to the name of the municipality, Los Baños meaning “the baths”. This is due to the fact that the founding of Los Baños goes back to the Spanish colonization. In the late 16 th century, a canonical mission in the lakeshore towns of Laguna led the Franciscans to come by the hot springs of barrio Mainit , only a visita then (a chapel under a par
Read more

Pabula: Ang Dalawang Magkaibigang Daga

Image
Sa Kaharian ng Dagatanra ay may dalawang magkaibigan. Umusbong ang pagkakaibigan nila noong maliliit pa sila. Magkaibigan din ang mga magulang nila. Palagi rin silang nagkakasundo sa mga kalokohan ng bawat isa. Isang araw, pumasok sa isip ni Bugoy na pumunta sa kweba ng isang higanteng ahas habang nakikinig sa kwento ng isang matandang daga. Ang higanteng ahas ay ang nakaalitan noon ng kanilang pinuno. Ipinagtanggol ni Haring Mapatangra pati ng mga mandirigmang daga ang kanilang mamamayan dahil nanggugulo ang mga higanteng ahas sa palasyo subalit maraming nasawi sa sagupaan na iyon. Alam ng magkaibigan ang nangyari noon sa palasyo pero hindi nagdalawang isip si Bugoy. “Buboy, pumunta tayo sa kweba ng higanteng ahas?” hiling niya sa kaibigan. “Bakit? anong gagawin natin doon?” patanong na sabi ni Buboy. “Gusto ko kasing makita ang itsura ng ahas.” “Ha? Ano ka ba? Alam natin na mapanganib sa kweba?” “Eh ano naman! Basta, sumama ka nalang kasi! ” malinaw na sinabi niya sa kaibigan. “Si
Read more

Emerging Filipino Indie Genre in the Philippine National Cinema

Image
What truly sets the Independent Cinema apart from the Mainstream Cinema? The film industry was generally classified financially and thematically into two: the independent and the mainstream. That is why the Philippine cinema has been subject to change, to progress, and even to confuse one with the other. The history of the Philippine Cinema proves this with regard to the Spanish and American influences during their occupation which led to the birth of cinema in the country   (Deocampo) and the political impact of the past which shaped the ‘nation’ and the ‘cinema’ (Campos) . Today, Filipino independent films, also known as “indie films,” have been establishing its identity that distinguishes it from the commercialized mainstream movies or popular cinema through the establishments of various Philippine Independent Film Festivals and the historical feats of independent Filipino filmmakers in both local and international arena. Redefining indie films as its own style or genre in the con
Read more

Analysis: Ang Sayaw ng Dalawang Kaliwang Paa

Image
Profound, complex, and beautiful.   The 2011 drama film of Alvin Yapan is an acclaimed motion picture that uses dance, poetry, and emotion to symbolize a deeper meaning about gender, sexuality, and character. The narrative involves a love triangle between Marlon (Paulo Avelino), Karen (Jean Garcia), and Dennis (Rocco Nacino). Dennis has started to invest emotionally on Marlon upon teaching him to dance to impress their literature teacher/dance instructor whom the latter is infatuated with. The film, however, does not focus solely on the romance of the characters but with the meaning behind every delivered poem, every dance routine, and every subtle projection of emotions through visual portrayal and effective sound. Ang Sayaw ng Dalawang Kaliwang Paa is wisely created as there’s more than the movie plot – there are reflections of gender sensitivity and fluidity, paradoxical representation of sexuality, and philosophical insights about feminism, affection, and devotion.  In the c
Read more

Breaking the Gold: The Golden Years of Philippine Cinema

Image
Image by PublicDomainPictures from Pixabay Introduction – The Perceived Notion of Golden Times. The age of cinema as a form of art and industry is relatively young as compared to other forms. In the Philippine context, the history of cinema has just only reached its centennial year with the beginnings from 1917 when Malayan Movies, a film company founded by Jose Nepomuceno and his brother Jesus, was established, to 1919 when the first Filipino feature film was produced – Dalagang Bukid (Country Maiden), produced by the same company. In spite of having a comprehensive history of Philippine cinema yet to be written, the industry has proven to develop and mature with regards to filmmaking style, form, and content for it to have the so-called ‘golden age’. Such Golden Age is ostensibly characterized by great progress, or as Cambridge dictionary defines it, “a period of time, sometimes imaginary, when everyone was happy, or when a particular art, business, etc. was very successful
Read more

FILM ANALYSIS: The Founder (2016)

Image
SYNOPSIS “The story of Ray Kroc, a salesman who turned two brothers' innovative fast-food eatery, McDonald's, into the biggest restaurant business in the world, with a combination of ambition, persistence, and ruthlessness” (IMDb). The Founder is a 2016 biopic film directed by John Lee Hancock, written by Robert Siegel, and starred Michael Keaton, Nick Offerman, John Carroll Lynch, and Laura Dern; which is based on a true story of how a man gained supremacy in the food industry. The film highlights business principles, personal integrity, and success through wealth as its themes while being a sight of wonder as a motion picture. CONTENT OF THE FILM TACKLED Starting as a salesman, Ray Kroc travels from state to state to offer and market supposedly useful products by Prince Castle but always gets rejected or ignored. Receiving a call of six orders of his 5-spindle milkshake maker, he thought it was a mistake until he finally called the customer to clear the said order whic
Read more

Tiwala

Image
“Napakahirap makuha pero napakadaling mawala.”  Isang bagay na kailangan mo munang paghirapan bago mo makuha nang buo. Tunay na mahirap, tunay na komplikado, at tunay na mahalaga; ito ang tiwala! Masasabing lahat ng tao pinapahalagan ito. Alam natin ang kahalagahan nito sa anumang relasyon: relasyon sa kapwa, sa kaibigan, sa pamilya, pati na rin sa sarili. Ngunit alam ba talaga natin ang totoong kahalagan nito? Ang tiwala ang nagsisilbing sandigan ng anumang relasyon. Ito ang nagpapanatili ng samahan upang magpatuloy at lalong tumatag. Ito an gating pinanghahawakan kahit gaano pa karami ang ating hinala. Ang tiwala rin ang nagpapalakas ng loob ng isang indibidwal upang gumawa sa buong makakaya. Ito rin ang nagpapanatag ng ating kalooban at kaisipan. Ubod na halaga ang tiwala kaya marapat lamang na pahalagahan ito.  Ang problema sa tao, alam natin ang kahalagan nito subalit hindi natin lubos na alam kung paano ito mapapahalagahan nang tama kapag ibinigay sa atin ito ng atin
Read more

Bar Boys (2017): A Movie Review

Image
One of my picks among Pista ng Pelikulang Pilipino (PPP) movie entries is Bar Boys with a synopsis of "The misadventures of three young men who try their luck in the college of law. As their friendship, families, relationships and convictions are brought to breaking point, they must keep their heads and emotions together as they prepare for the big day." I watched the movie with my friend with no particular expectation. Fortunately, having watched the film, I suddenly asked myself "how can it exceed my expectation if I didn't set any at all?" because it just happens that it exceeded my expectation as I don't honestly usually watch Filipino movies. The theme of the movie is about the struggles of being a law student dealing with the challenges of studying and passing, dealing with college professors (who each have distinct personality) and their respective subjects, and dealing with the relationships one has in his family, friends, and significant others
Read more

Patay na si Hesus (2016): A Review

Image
I had an early screening of this movie in UPLB since I didn't want to miss it knowing that it is one of the entries in Pista ng Pelikulang Pilipino (PPP). To be honest, I got interested with the film initially because of its intriguing title. Jesus is Dead . However, after watching the movie trailer, I knew it would be different. It just happens that I got more interested having watched the trailer even it didn't already meet my expectation to talk about Faith and Religion (which I am greatly engrossed about).  For some reason, I was excited. Is it because I'd be watching a Filipino film in the big screen once again after a long time of not patronizing it? I had hopes of not being disappointed and... the movie did not disappoint.  "When Iyay, a single mother, learns that her estranged husband has died, she drags the entire family on a road trip from Cebu to Dumaguete to attend the funeral."   as its synopsis, Patay na si Hesus is a road-trip movie
Read more

Buhay Estudyante

Image
Walang papel, walang ballpen, walang assignment, walang pasok! Ganyan ang buhay estudyante, masarap, mahirap, madali, nakakainis, at nakakapagod . Masarap maging estudyante kasi araw-araw may baon. Mahirap lalo na kapag maraming assignments at proyekto. Madali kapag nabubuhay ka sa hingi. Nakakainis kapag palaging napapagalitan ng guro at nakakapagod gumising ng umaga. Buhay estudyante! Madaming nangyayari sa isang estudyante. Marami kang nararanasan na kung ano-ano. Mapagalitan, mapatayo, mapahiya, bumagsak, mapatawag sa office, magkaroon ng kaibigan, makipag-away , gumala, magsaya, umuwi ng gabi, magsinungaling, gumawa ng kalokohan at lalo na ang umibig . Walang araw na hindi magtatawanan ang barkada. Naranasan mo nang bumagsak at nakalimutang may assignment. Madalas kang kumopya at manggaya. Naranasan mo nang kumain at magtext ng patago habang nagkaklase. Kalimitang walang papel . Meron kang pangload pero wala kang pambili ng papel at ballpen. Minsan papasok na lang
Read more