Alter 100 [6/12]
What if that message was sent? Would it change anything? Would he reply?
You bombard yourself with these questions – repeatedly and painfully. Why? On what purpose? You made up your mind, haven’t you? What keeps bothering you? Why bother?
This isn’t the first time. In fact, if you would count every man you endured, you would only lie again when you answer the number of sexual partners you had for the past 12 months. You are going to have yourself tested again. For free condoms and lube, of course. You are going to answer the same questionnaire again. You are going to sign the same disclosure agreement again. Why? You were always safe and sure that your visit to the clinic is really just for the free rubber and lubricant. Or you’re just paranoid about some rashes on your skin.
Fine, you comfort yourself with anything anyways.
And the result was nonreactive. You’re negative, as expected. So the idea of bare still lingers.
Curiosity is indeed dangerous, isn’t it?
Oh you remember the dirt and hassle of going bare. You should have known better! How dare you dismiss the risk? Was it worth it? A beautiful face wouldn’t save you from sickness! No matter how much you drool over their body that you fantasize, you will never have them or even become them. You may have tasted them, got fulfilled with their erotic voice, and invaded their privacy, yet that isn’t happiness. That’s just horniness. That’s your hormones taking over. That’s your selfishness.
But that time was covered and you’re absolutely clean and safe. You just remembered the first time you got tested and why you had to get tested. The possibility made your life flash before your eyes. You were afraid, weren’t you? Are you still now that you’re totally negative? Will you try again?
You’ve seen some things and thought it was easy. You did it yourself and instantly knew it wasn’t. It is true then that you’ll never know if you’ll never try. And so you explore.
You finally sent the message anyway. But that boy with a handsome face only does a one night stand.
12 July 2020
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A monthly exhibition of the Alter world. 2020 watch out! For the next entries, [links to be published every last day/week of each month]
JANUARY - Alter 100 [1/12]
FEBRUARY - Alter 100 [2/12]
MARCH - Alter 100 [3/12]
APRIL - Alter 100 [4/12]
MAY - Alter 100 [5/12]
MIDSPECIAL - Alter 100 [6.1/12] SPECIAL
JUNE - Alter 100 [6/12]
JULY - Alter 100 [7/12]
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