Alter 100 [8/12]

I heard you came home. You really did it, didn’t you?

I don’t know whether I’m sorry we didn’t last or I’m grateful for our story was cut short by circumstances I don’t even remember. But then I would lie if I say I didn’t miss you.

We were not friends in Facebook anymore, because you unfriended me before you left. You thought I blocked you, so your impulse was to cut the strings entirely. Then I revealed that I just deactivated my account for a period and that’s why you couldn’t reach me anymore nor send me a message. Your assumption was wrong, and you reacted badly. Funny, you kept in touch via text despite cutting me online.

I sound arrogant now, do I?

Here you are with your public photos – with your partner and son. What a beautiful family! Your son got your looks – that’s obvious. You’re a loving parent – I could tell. Too loving that we happened.

Your arrival should not mean anything. Yet it reminds me of us. It reminds me of the Sunday nights, the impractical travel to Sta. Cruz for a bus going the Metro despite us living in Los Baños. It reminds me of the Monday mornings, the wrinkled clothes, the rush and cold buses so I can reach my first period. It reminds me of hot choco and eggdesal of McDo in PHILCOA when I grant you some breakfast, but it’s your treat mostly. But ultimately, it reminds me of you and your departure.

I wouldn’t ask what happened between us. Recalling memories should not be intentional but accidental. Like the trigger of your arrival. I wouldn’t tell the story of how we met, assuming I haven’t shared it yet in this series. Of course, you would know whether I already told the story of us, as if you get to read these. But who cares? No one will know you no matter how much I share my memory of you.

But are you just a memory?

You are nothing but an experience. a mistake. a sin. and I blame you for that. Only if I can.


Why did you message though? After all these months, you have the gut to attempt for any reconnection. As much as I’d like you to feed my ego, I can’t stomach the possibility that we will happen again. I had a choice and I still have a choice now.

Yet your arrival hits home. You remembered me even I wish I am the last person you’d talk to. How can I not react on that? Tell me.

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24 September 2020
A monthly exhibition of the Alter world. 2020 watch out! For the next entries, [links to be published every last day/week of each month]

JANUARY - Alter 100 [1/12]
FEBRUARY - Alter 100 [2/12]
MARCH - Alter 100 [3/12]
APRIL - Alter 100 [4/12]
MAY - Alter 100 [5/12]
MIDSPECIAL - Alter 100 [6.1/12] SPECIAL
JUNE - Alter 100 [6/12]
JULY - Alter 100 [7/12]

AUGUST - Alter 100 [8/12]