The Boy Who Stutters

"I'm sorry, I'm late." is what either of us would say every time we meet. Perhaps one of us had showered longer than usual and it was always me. I remember bathing so well when I was finally going to formally meet you – not that I didn’t always shower nicely for the meet ups to follow. In fact, I always do. I always bathe too slow or too long that it came to the point it aggravated you. I lived in the north; your place was south of mine and I always bothered to travel that far. It was worth it, I thought. Or at least the sex . It was an empty pleasure just like every hook up I ever had. But you were different. I thought you looked like the man of my dreams – yet I ask myself now if I ever had one – only to find out that everything…was just actually really…a dream. You were a bit of a bothersome but funny, nonetheless. Something I could tolerate. But then I guessed you were the one who couldn’t tolerate me anymore, could you? The blame game started like we were a c...

Before logging out, a thought came about my classmates and teachers who are apolitical. Their children would inherit the nonparticipation and will live inside a bubble that "that's the way things are". But I guess they will live happier. Ignorance is bliss. Happiness is the goal (the great humanity subscribes to this philosophy) and this end would justify the means. Good or evil, as long as you're happy, you do it. Even the law is not enough to police you. But perhaps, we are political because we are happy to participate, aren't we? It transcends self-validation because you aren't only political for yourself - you are political for and because of others. The idea that things can be changed and improved is affirmed by people who think the same. But you know not everyone thinks alike so you challenge yourself. You finally get to understand why people are apolitical. You cannot blame them for their neutrality or biases, can you? They might have as much a...

They say, “Promises are meant to be broken”; I say – that shouldn’t be the case when the people’s lives and the nation’s future are at stake. The power of promises and such declaration is extremely misused for personal and selfish interest of politicians running for office. History proves that they have utilized rhetoric speeches in order to convince, or to put it bluntly – to lure the electorate or all the people who have the power to vote in an election. We should learn from this and begin making these politicians accountable for their broken and false promises by suing them for non-fulfillment of platforms which they officially declared during campaigns. “If elected president, give me about three to six months, I will get rid of corruption, drugs and criminality,”  sounds familiar? Can we say that 16 million Filipinos fell for this? We can only guess, right? Politicians can give strong words as much as they wish, from promising changes to ambitious projects that really cli...

The sound of the notification from your message always excites me. It is special because I know who I was expecting. I remembered we mutually decided to talk over that messenger. I never used it until you asked me, and I agreed; I guessed you use it for your work or for people like me – a fuck buddy , do you? I don’t care. I followed your lead and the lead was even. Too even we knew what we desired. I stood behind you and you conveniently leaned as if I instructed you to come closer. Your arms were but helpless as I welcomed your firmness. You were soft yet I had to enforce the same strength. I finally made you turn and face the longing thrust. Hands were like magnets and our tongues cannot fully be separated like a wrong key stuck on a doorknob. It is locked, fixed, but maintained its flexibility. The unrest just improves the fluidity of the bones. Too careful and caring, too thoughtful and thorough , you lifted me an inch and pressed harder than you should.  Stop. Let’s sta...

Sa ikalawang semester ng akademikong taong 2018-2019, inihandog ng UP Cinema ang isang Alternative Class Learning Experience (ACLE) na pinamagatang “PORN-Nyetang Kahirapan: A Critical Discussion on Poverty Porn in Philippine Independent Cinema” . Sa pangunguna ni Ginoong Ed Cabagnot bilang tagapagsalita, isa sa mga haligi ng film festivals sa ating bansa, tinalakay ang mga konsepto ng porn , poverty , at pelikula.  Sinimulan niya sa pagtatanong sa madla ng aming konsepto ng porn . Karamihan sa mga tugon ay may kinalaman sa sekswal na kalikasan; para kay G. Cabagnot, ang porn ay isang mapagsamantalang paggamit sa makamundong pagnanais ng mga tao o base sa tao – lalo na ng target audience . Tinuloy niya sa depenisyon ng poverty-porn bilang tema ng pelikula. Ito raw ay naglalarawan sa malungkot na kondisyon ng pamumuhay sa isang lipunan na ginagalawan. Mayroong kaisipan na ang mas nakakaawa na kalagayan ay mas kaakit-akit sa mga dayuhan na manonood ng pelikula. Dagdag pa ni ...

There was fast food, then there is fast fashion. The True Cost (2015), a documentary film by Andrew Morgan, reveals that the fashion industry is one of the most polluting industry in the world. And talking about pollution in any given circumstance shall expose more than the insidious waste; it crucially uncovers a systemic and almost deliberate phenomenon which primarily harms the environment, society, and human life itself. In a growing society that always seeks progress , a necessity like clothing has turned unpleasantly into a constant consumption from a commercial and inhumane production. Little do we know about the conditions from which our clothes are created; we only know about their prices that we are so willing to pay even we can’t usually afford. Time and again, in a growing society that always seeks progress – an economic system that efficiently works under the structure of capitalism is bound to search and exploit cheap labor from developing countries. The East, count...

Hi [redacted]! I hope you read this letter first before you decide to throw it. May you read it till the very end, please? This might be my last message to you as I will include what I wanted to express, and I will write everything that I felt. I hope you won’t t judge me with the things I will say here. I wish, even in this manner, you get to finally understand me. First of all, I wanted to say sorry for I only felt pain over you. We both knew that we weren’t ready for this relationship; I was overwhelmed and even felt shocked since I didn’t know what to do during the time I was trying to fix things. I was trying to get over the bad things I have felt. I knew that you’re an asshole, but I have still loved you anyway. I have accepted you completely, I have accepted everything about you; no matter how hard it was to love you, I still did. I guess, I still do. Every time I talk to you, the feeling was always there, the feeling of affection and connection towards you. I have let myself ge...

“TVBS?” “What?” “Top, versa, bottom, side?” “Tripper.” “What?” “You’re not gay?” “No.” “Pic?” “Trade.” “After you please.”  Send pictures. Filtered or bare. Just send any. Ask the location. Meet up. Hook Up. Have sex as easy as that. These are the times where convenience is highly sought and technology grants that; media of communication are accessible as ever, so is the sex. A need that necessitates the body and mind to take and give nudity and nothingness for the lack of narcotic. But sex is a drug, isn’t it? Everyone is willing to pay with the right amount of money, dignity, and privacy. Alter folks take it just anywhere – in a public CR, bus, and park. Intimacy is rushed because the risk is to be caught.