Unspoken IX


I started thinking about how you would feel if you knew what was happening. What if you already have the capacity to understand things as they are and accept them? Would you do something about it like I did? Would you have the courage to act upon the situation or just ignore it until it numbs you like I did? Would you do the same? 

Every time I look at you, I see myself. It is as if I am witnessing my childhood in yours and I'm actually in the background - watching. How incredible is that? (I thought to myself.) However, I don't wish you'd become like me. I wish you to become a totally different person than I am. I wish you will have enough courage to face difficult situations and not run away from them. I wish you will be able to meet the standards of the people around you, especially your own standards to yourself because that is crucial in your growth. I wish you become stronger than me because I believe someone is and can even become stronger than I am now and I want it to be you. I just really wish you become someone like me - but different. 

When that time comes, I hope you won't blame yourself because I know you will. So if you do, just make sure to look forward and don't be stuck in the past. Yes, the past may always haunt you - it will, but you must be able to keep moving forward. Forgive yourself, please, because not everyone is capable of doing that. Move on, please, because not everyone has the courage to. Forget the past, if you can, because most of us are stuck with it and it chains us until we can no longer move. 

You wouldn't want to be stuck in the same place for a long time, so please, forgive yourself and forgive the people who troubled you and your past. 

If you happen to read this in the future, which I hope you will, please do as I say. I want to save you from sorrow. Even if I failed saving myself, or will fail to save myself, I don't want you to feel any burden. You don't deserve that. 

I'm sorry. I am sorry for the times I ignored you when you needed me. I am sorry for the times I scolded you for being naughty. I am sorry if I treated you differently, but that doesn't mean I loved you less. I love you and nothing can ever change that. I might have blamed you for some things, but please know that I've been thankful for your existence. I hope you'll find someone who understands you and who will stay even if he doesn't. 

You were my hope. I am your hope. I didn't lose my hope because I never lost you. I'm sorry for being unfair, but I'm requesting you to not lose hope even if you'll lose me or already lost me. I'll always remember you and I know you'll do the same. 

Communicate. I want and need you to learn to communicate. PLEASE DO, because that's where I failed. Communication is essential, so keep it. 

Do what I failed to do; Finish what I started, and Speak what I left unspoken. 

---
-TBWS
July 31, 2017

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