Unspoken V

As I felt your presence, I looked out to the window to see if you were there, and right, you were there. You entered the room and stepped towards me. I welcomed you with open arms and you let me embrace your body. I missed you, that’s one thing for sure. 

For a bit, I was glad that you were here not only for me but for us. I was happy that you’re back and then you brought something, something I never wished. You told me something I never wanted to hear. You spoke of something I never expected to know. You shared something I never wished to learn. In spite of that, I am thankful. 

I had a dream, a nightmare, I could say. I didn’t consider it as a nightmare at first since I used to have absurd dreams before which made no sense at all until I had this one and heard your revelation. It happens that my dream was true after all. It’s not true “true” since it’s just a dream, but its idea is. What I dreamt was true and I got a confirmation from you that it happened, or was happening. Your proof proved it firmly; I just wish it wasn’t real. What you said says it all, and what I dreamt makes sense after all. 

You’re hurt with what you discovered; I was hurt too. Knowing that was unacceptable, but I learned to accept it as it is because I knew I couldn’t do something about it. Wait! I could do something about it and you could do something about it too. I thought I should take this chance to express what I really wanted to express. You’ve done that already, and it wasn’t that effective. I thought I should try, even just this time, and see if I can be effective. You’ve sought my help when you are desperate for it. I thought I should do it. I thought I had reasons to do it, I thought I got the right to speak, and I thought it is for the better. Now, I hope it was for the better. 

You stayed, I let you; you talked, I listened. I realized that I’ve heard every word you say over and over again; you’ve explained yourself too much, yet it was never enough for your redemption. I am getting tired, you could feel it. You’re fed up, I know. How can this be not over? How come that this keeps bothering us and me? I really thought I should try doing something about it not only for my sake, of course, but for all of us. I eventually decided to do something about it and hoped it would do something good.

I wished you were here and now you are. I could finally feel your presence again and it comforts but displeases me at the same time. I wanted and didn’t want you here. I thought I would finally appreciate you by your absence, well, I did. Yet your presence didn’t suffice and I just didn’t know why. I thought I would be fine when you come back, yet nothing changed at all. I am still lonely as I was; I am still sad until now. 

I missed you, and now I wish you kept it that way. 



- TBWS
May 7, 2017

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