Unspoken VI

It’s been days… weeks actually. It has been weeks since the day I discovered, and I shall expect more weeks to pass before I recover. I am yet to accept the choice you made. I am yet to accept your decision. I am yet to suffer –a little longer. 

As days and nights have passed, I admit that there were a few breakdowns. Even simple things could trigger me and I couldn’t help but be emotional. I’m not saying this to get your sympathy… because I don’t actually need it. Because even I manage to, will you do something about it? Will you make things right? 

I expect you to make things right, and I would want to hope that you’re trying to. I will keep hoping and I will keep being disappointed if you fail. It’s okay though, at least you tried. Maybe I just have to be grateful and accept what you are willing to do. Maybe I just have to appreciate what you can do for us. Maybe I should be content with what we have now and not ask for more. Perhaps that’s the only way we can be at peace – together. 

It’s your life, I know, but am I not your life too?

Please know that I appreciate what you do. I may not say it or act like I don’t notice it, but please know that I do. I appreciate those little things you do for us, and I don’t want you to think that I don’t acknowledge it. Let me thank you for trying. Even I might think that you aren’t enough, I will still be thankful for what you do. I may ask for more, and may you forgive me. I may misjudge you, wrong you, and hurt you, and may you not get tired forgiving me. We both know that you haven’t been the best, and I haven’t been too. I have already seen you at your worst, and you have seen me at my best. Even so, that didn’t tear us apart, that doesn’t make difference now, and that will not matter. You assured me something I wanted to believe; you gave me your word I held since then. I won’t deny that I am still holding onto that until now. 

I wish I wouldn’t ask for more. I wish I didn’t blame you for the things you did and didn’t do. 

I wish I could wish for less. I wish I didn’t blame you for the words you spoke and didn’t speak. 

I wish I knew better. I wish I didn’t blame you for the actions you would do and couldn’t do. 



Perhaps, I just have to keep wishing while knowing that it won’t do anything. 

Perhaps, I have to keep trying while learning that it won’t change a bit. 

Perhaps, I only have to realize that this is just how things go. 



-TBWS
May 19, 2017


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