Unspoken III

So here you are, doing your own thing. I’m not surprised that you’re not as dramatic as I am, and that you’re not as fragile as she is. You’re a man of pride; it’s evident that you are. I realize that I’m as conceited as you, but at the same time, we have kept a humble image. What would happen if people can see both sides of a person at the same time? Would we dare to stay and ignore their negative side and just suffer eventually or would we leave them and save ourselves? Actually, not everyone has that kind of choice. 

You see, it’s our nature to show others our good side because we are so afraid of being judged. However, as we spend time with people, we eventually learn their true colors. I eventually learn yours and I have to accept that. At first, I thought I could change you, but I realized that I am not capable of changing you. How frustrating that is, right? You, of all people, would know how frustrating it is not being able to change people the way you need them to. I know how badly you want to change her. I would like to share your frustration because even I, I know what it feels like. 

I want to blame you, but I guess I just can’t. I want to blame you, but then I thought – I may not fully know the pain she caused you. I would like to assume I know, but it isn’t possible as it’s you who got hurt in the first place. I want to blame you for how you reacted. I want to blame you for punishing her instead of forgiving her. How cruel are you? Then I thought, how cruel she was to you? She sinned and hurt you big time. I may not really know now how painful it is and how hard it has been for you. However, I come to believe that what you did is more painful than what she did, isn’t it? I hate to think that it is, but it seems like. It seems that the punishment you’re inflicting her is beyond revenge; it’s soul-destroying. It seems that the treatment you’re giving her is so unfair. It just seemed there’s no sense in being together anymore. 

Before, I made myself believe that she deserves what you were doing to her. I thought she does and the way you treat her is nothing compared to what she has done to you. However, as I grow older every day, as I witness the fights and everything, she doesn’t deserve it anymore. She doesn’t deserve the pain from you. She doesn’t deserve the damage you’re causing. She doesn’t deserve anything like that! But wait, I then thought… you didn’t also deserve what she did to you. You didn’t deserve the pain from her. You didn’t deserve the damage she caused. You didn’t deserve anything like that! 

This leaves me in no position to judge. Your matter matters to me; I just wish mine also does to you. I’m trying to feel what you felt, but I guess you wouldn’t want me to –ever.

- TBWS
April 22, 2017

 Next, Unspoken IV 
To Unspoken Series


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