Unspoken

I’m with her right now, trying my best to keep my tears from falling. She is getting too emotional that my eyes can’t bear to see. I once read the worst thing is seeing her crying, and now I prove it truly is. The feeling is overwhelming; her cries are deafening. It’s numbing as this isn’t the first time I heard them. I’m currently speechless. My emotions restrain me from expressing. The numbing sensation in my chest stops me from uttering a single word. His every cuss surely leaves a mark in my ear. I just wish she ends the call right now and never answers it when he dares to call again. I just wish I could grab her phone and throw it away where she could never reach it, so she would never have to read those filthy messages she receives from him, so she would never have to feel degraded and destroyed anymore. I can say now that words kill; what’s worse is that it does not only kill, it destroys one’s soul.

The tension in my chest has subsided a little bit when she finally had the courage to end the call. But unexpectedly, it gets more overwhelming. She asks me again, “What can I do? What do you think I can do?” I can’t take hearing her desperate voice any longer. I can’t take the fact that I am doing nothing while her tears keep falling from her swollen eyes, as she suffers her struggles. I just wish I can come near her and offer my arms, but no. I knew if I move just a little bit, I’ll fail to hold my tears.

She comes near me and asks me the question again. What can she do? What do I think she can do? I had the courage to face her now, and I just wish I didn’t. Why did I look when I shouldn’t? For how long should I hold my tears from falling because I’m definitely sure I can’t hold it any longer? For how long will she suffer? For how long should she stay up every night and cry? For how long would he continue blaming her with the mistakes she now regrets committing? For how long will I pride myself to know better? For how long will he let her suffer? For how long . . .  will . .  I . suffer?

She stops and put the phone down. “I’ll pack my things,” she said.

I almost stopped her. I almost gave in. But – I didn’t.

I know she’s waiting for me to stop her; I know how badly she wants to hear that. I know she wants me to help her; I know how desperately she needs help. Am I even sorry to ignore her? Right now, I hate myself for letting the situation as it is. How come my tears aren’t even falling? It still numbs; I know I should feel something. I should feel her despair. I should share her pain. I should let her know that I care and that I didn’t want any of this to happen at all...


- TBWS
April 20, 2017


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